The Short Game: Some Sporty Tips for Prom

I'll be bringing The Short Game to Mizzou next year.

I'll be bringing The Short Game to Mizzou next year.

Mike Carlson, Spear Contributor

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If you combine the attention of the Super Bowl with the mania of March Madness and length of the World Series, you’d probably have something resembling Prom. For high school girls, this the event of the year. But, what else do you expect from an industry that is worth an estimated $4 billion. Yes, that is billion with a “b.”

That’s enough money to run Greenland twice over or, worse yet, enough to buy-out one year of A-Rod’s contract.

Everything is bigger at Prom. The asking, the dresses, the suits, and the venue are all ramped up for this high school rite of passage. Frankly, if the Dallas Cowboys were a high school dance, they would without a doubt be Prom. After all, the Dallas Cowboys are America’s team and this is America’s dance.

Otherwise known of the “Granddaddy of Them All.”

The Back-to-School Dance, Winter Formal, and Homecoming are all Scottie Pippen to this Michael Jordan of dances.

If you didn’t think I’d be comparing sports to Prom, you must not have read my past columns.

Some see dead people. I see sports in everything.

Show me the money

As one of the most famous lines from a sports film classic “Jerry Maguire,” you need not go very far to see the money so-to-speak. You have to show the money to the florist, Men’s Wearhouse, Cheesecake Factory, the people selling tickets, and, as iconic band Journey will tell you, the list goes on and on and on.

Look good, play good

Oregon sets the tone when it comes to looking good on the playing field. Prom sets the tone when it comes to formal attire. From the tuxedo on the men’s side to the sweetheart dress on the gal’s side and many more, there are plenty of uniform combinations to choose from. However, not all of these combinations should be explored. An all-white tux on looks good in your mind. After all, no one wants to be the Cleveland Browns of Prom outfits.

It’s a marathon, not a sprint

Prom spans roughly twelve hours. Don’t come out of the blocks too strong only to find yourself napping in the bouncy castle at After Prom. Strive for consistency throughout the entire night. Think more Peyton Manning and less Mark Sanchez when it comes to your approach. Actually, now that I think about it, let’s go with zero Mark Sanchez.

Create a mismatch

Contrary to popular belief, it’s okay to go to Prom with someone taller than you. This is especially true with guys. If 5’9” Clippers guard Nate Robinson can out dunk 6’11” Rockets center Dwight Howard, then going to Prom with someone taller than you should be a piece of cake.

Call an audible

If you sense the night is going bad and you want to try to save the night, you can always say those three magic words: “Omaha, omaha, omaha!” Okay, so maybe not those three magic words.

One shining moment

This is one of the biggest nights of the year. Have fun, be safe, and, most of all, enjoy it. For seniors, this is our tip of the cap, our victory lap, our last shining moment before we graduate.

 

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