I’m a Clueless Junior
September 28, 2020
Well, I’m no longer that awkward sophomore and now I’m that clueless junior.
I finally got my license and by some miracle my dad gifted his car to me. I don’t have a job yet so I’m still broke. and I was on complete lockdown which meant no friends at all, and I wasn’t even allowed to go into the grocery store for the entire summer.
Everything and nothing happened this summer. Did I get a dog and then did it try to attack my brother so we gave it back to the shelter and now my dad and I have a nine month old puppy who’s the greatest dog ever? Yes. Did I get a boyfriend, meet up with him without my parents knowing, get caught, and then grounded for 2 months while being completely isolated and not being able to talk to any friends for almost the whole summer? Also yes. (We happily broke up by the way) Did I re-watch Community, Wizards of Waverly Place, and Big Time Rush four times each? 1000% yes. Did I finally cave and start listening to bad music like Lil Peep? Heck no, you will never convince me to do that.
My first (allowed) social interaction was the first day of school. Seeing everyone together and finally seeing my friends was overwhelming at first and my social anxiety I didn’t know I had started to kicked in. And if you know me, I used to thrive off of big groups of people and I absolutely hated being alone. But now, I realized that spending time with myself isn’t all that bad
I used to be this annoying, energetic and beyond -bubbly person. But after four months of isolation, I’ve grown to not need as much social interaction to feel happy. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still annoying and energetic, I just don’t enjoy large amounts of people.
At the beginning of all this time alone, my mental health took a huge toll. I was depressed, irritable, and almost quit playing soccer entirely. I’ve been playing my entire life and have been aiming to play in college since I was a little kid. I know I’m not this big time soccer stud but if you know me you know how important soccer has been to my life. I struggled a lot mentally during the quarantine, but I was also able to use the time alone to do some serious self reflection.
I like to think that I’ve changed the toxic things about myself and have gained more self confidence. I decided to take care of myself. I realized that sitting watching Netflix for 10 consecutive hours, being on Snapchat for 8 hours a day, and giving up on soccer was not the best move or making me a happier person.
Although I watched a total of (yes I counted) 52 shows and movies and am now an even bigger horror movie expert, it was unhealthy to let myself wallow in self pity and depression.
After about a month and half of allowing myself to dwell and wallow, I decided to work out again and get into a routine of healthy eating and sleeping. I started to song write again and started training for the upcoming soccer season. I still have my personal struggles and wish things would go back to normal but at the same time, I’m grateful for what I was able to learn due to COVID-19. If COVID-19 had never happened, I never would have gotten my second semester grades up, gotten a puppy, picked my top five colleges for post-grad, I would have never started trained my butt off for soccer and actually created a good opportunity to make Varsity this next spring season (we all have hopes and dreams), and I would have never gotten the time alone I needed to deal with problems from my past.
But don’t worry, I am still beyond clueless in what I’m doing. I am still beyond clueless in what I’m doing. School has actually started to kick into gear and chemistry and math are kicking my butt at the moment. Although I’m no longer that awkward sophomore, I’m now that clueless junior and I couldn’t be happier about it.
