Being in a relationship comes with many ups and downs and can come with sometimes thinking that wrongs are rights. So? How do we know the difference? And how do we know the difference between staying in a relationship because we think it’s healthy to not knowing how to leave a toxic one? Well, we can tell you first hand from a perspective of three different views. 

\Gia – I have been in and seen toxic relationships and never knew until I looked back. I am now in a healthy happy relationship that still comes with struggles every now and then. How did I know this relationship wasn’t toxic? I knew because of the way I was being treated which is with honesty, respect, and the willingness to work through hard times. In the past and even now I have seen relationships my friends or others have been in that are not healthy. Why you ask? Or how did I know? Well, I knew when there was dryness with texts, lack of communication, lying about who they’re with or where they are, flirting with others, being controlling, not making the time or effort, and so much more. Overall, I believe it’s extremely important to look for things in a relationship that brings you up rather than tear you down and to know your worth. Although this may take time, I am telling you it is worth the wait to find someone who will support you and lift you up no matter what. I encourage you to know your worth and to love yourself first before you allow someone else to.

Dani – I think that in any relationship you may have that your feelings need to be validated. If your partner is doing something that you are uncomfortable with then you should communicate that and they should stop doing it. It’s a simple matter of boundaries. Your partner should respect yours and vice versa. Also, communication. So many relationships have problems or come to an end because one of you is scared to speak up about something. For example, let’s say that your boyfriend was uncomfortable with you going out to lunch one-on-one with another guy but he never said anything and kept letting you do it. This leads to a strained relationship and issues. If he just tells you that he is uncomfortable with it then it can be resolved. So many people just let issues get bigger and bigger and rather than communicating this they strain the relationship or just give up on it completely. 

Anne- I’ve had many friends in relationships and some time or another they usually come to me for advice. I’ve noticed a pattern. Almost every friend, no matter who they’re with, always has a struggle surrounding communication. Maybe their partner wasn’t completely honest about who they were with or where they were going, these issues can be very minor, but the lack of communication has created a misunderstanding. What exactly needs to be communicated? Boundaries. You need to make your partner aware of what you are and aren’t comfortable with. Sharing these rules makes it easier down the line. Not every little thing needs to be said, but it is important to know when things need to be said and whether or not something would affect your partner. 

Unwritten Rules:

(to sum it all up)

1. No talking to other people
   1. Probably the most obvious rule, right? Wrong. Often times in relationships guys are having second thoughts and/or losing feelings for their partner and don’t communicate this. With the truth left unsaid men tend to turn to a new person. While they may not even consider what they’re doing cheating, the question lies in this, have they become more intrigued by talking with someone new? While not technically cheating, this is extremely hurtful and disrespectful. It is far better to communicate your lack of interest first than to simply turn it elsewhere.

1. Be totally transparent
   1. Honesty is the key to any relationship. You have to be honest with one other to have things work out. If you want to go out and hang out with other girls you first have to make your partner aware. And if they are not comfortable with that then you need to respect that. 

1. Don’t intentionally hurt your partner
   1. If there’s anything you’re doing that makes you question whether or not they may be upset if they found out, then you’re intentionally hurting them. You should never be doing something that makes you feel as though you need to hide it from your partner. 

1. Boundaries
   1. Your partner should be not be doing something you are not comfortable with them doing. And vice versa. If one of the two of you is doing something that makes the other person feel uncomfortable then you shouldn’t be doing it. For example, hanging out with another girl in private.