I’m going to go out on a limb and say a lot of people don’t follow any kind of recruiting news whatsoever. C-SPAN programming is followed more closely by the average fan than anything ESPN is throwing up on their recruiting pages. It’s a niche subplot within a smaller branch of sports and, not to mention, a word dirtier and cheaper than anything on the Arby’s menu when it comes to Colorado high school football.

Frankly, it would be tough to blame the average sports fan for a disinterest in anything concerned with recruiting.

I’d pay attention to this one.

Rivals.com, the leading expert in recruiting and the natural enemy of common sense, recently added a pair of sixth graders to their football recruiting database. Tiger parents everywhere are now jealous (for their kid, of course).

The question on everyone’s mind is: why hasn’t Rivals been doing this earlier? Seriously, how am I supposed to pick out my law school when I can’t even gauge how good the football team will be in my final year there?

Let’s face it, if you can’t break down a zone blitz before you can break down talking to your first crush then your chances at going Division I are moot. But, that won’t even matter because everyone knows SEC scouts only look for kids who drink apple juice and you’ve yet to make the switch from Capri Suns. At the very least, ditch the stuffed animal. Don’t you know sleeping with a stuffed animal has a direct correlation with poor pocket presence? Kids these days, man. It’s just plain blasphemy.

Rivals.com has gone too far. What’s next? A scouting combine in hospital nurseries.

Scout one: Hey, that kid isn’t crying. I think we have the next Tom Brady on our hands here.

Scout two: And did you see that kid throw that pacifier across the room? I haven’t seen technique like that since Peyton Manning.

There is nothing right about placing two kids (yes, they are kids) in a database filled with men. The worst hit these boys suffered was, most likely, at the hands of opposing defensive players. Just wait until they meet puberty. It hits like a train conducted by Ray Lewis.

Plus, how can you possibly judge talent at such a young age? One of the kids, Daron Bryden, is classified as a “pro-style quarterback.” I couldn’t figure out whether I wanted wood pencils or mechanical pencils when I was in sixth grade let alone what offensive scheme would give me the best chance to win Super Bowl LXV.

Scout one: Well, he prefers glue-sticks over regular glue and likes the pizza Lunchables. Looks like we have our guy.

Scout two: I don’t know. I’m concerned with his dislike of broccoli. He may struggle with the offense’s learning curve because of it.

Rivals.com isn’t the only group taking part in this experiment in foolishness. These type of rankings have existed in the realm of basketball for years. Coaches are looking for any advantage they can find. Even if that “advantage” still can’t see “Guardians of the Galaxy” without a parent buying the ticket.

In the end, though, these types of rankings just hurt the kids being ranked. The unreal expectations and crazed media spotlight from now until signing day only does harm. Middle school is tough as it is and if you’ve been through the three-year trial by fire that is middle school, you can most certainly agree with that statement.

Hey Rivals, maybe it’s time you start evaluating yourself for a change. Or, better still, how about we send you back to middle school?