The Short Game: Some Spooky and Sporty Halloween Costume Ideas


My first stop once I got to California today.

Mike Carlson, Spear Contributor

Ah yes, Halloween. A holiday where seemingly everyone dons a costume of some sorts and, for one night, gets to be someone else. However, there is an epidemic ravaging really bad costume stores everywhere (really it’s just those awful Spirit Halloween stores, but you get the point). The thing plaguing these stores, besides insanely priced Halloween paraphernalia, is the overwhelming lack of a legitimately frightening costume.

Don’t get me wrong, the insane clown costume is without a doubt a fearsome look the first time I see it. After that it loses a certain edge and one can’t help but wonder what is the more “insane” aspect about the clown. Is it the menacing look on the mask or is it the wearer’s mind-boggling lack of originality? C’mon man, “Killer Klowns from Outer Space” came out over two decades ago, it might be time to move on.

Luckily, a little delve into the world of sports can fix this spooky problem.

Try on these costume ideas.

A Roger Goodell Costume

This costume is quite simple, yet very unnerving. Just dress in your most formal attire and act without common sense. It will also improve the authenticity of the costume if you backtrack endlessly on all your decisions. By the time you switch back to a Snickers bar for the fifth time, everyone will either be thoroughly terrified or call for your resignation. Outrageous fines not included.

A Johnny Football Costume

With this costume, your entrance into any self-respecting Halloween party will be flamboyant and make you the center of attention much like Johnny Manziel himself. However once the party actually gets going, you will fade into the background and be forgotten. For more long-lasting recognition, I recommend going as the Invisible Man.

A Peyton Manning Costume

Manning has been the Grim Reaper of defenses this year, which, if you are a defensive coordinator, is probably scarier than meeting the Grim Reaper himself. And now that Manning is the all-time leader in passing touchdowns, orange truly is the new black. If you are more defensively inclined, opt, instead, for every defense’s favorite: any of the last three Jets quarterbacks.

A Madison Bumgarner Costume

Or go as the Human Torch. Both are red hot, playing hero when it matters most, and bring a whole new meaning to throwing fire. Also, in an odd coincidence, both got their powers from run-ins with cosmic rays, but that’s a very unimportant detail.

A LeBron James Costume

This costume will surely draw the ire of Heat fans, or rather what’s left of them, at your Halloween party. While I cannot ensure the ability to dunk or be the NBA’s best will come from going as Cleveland’s son, I can, on the other hand, ensure that noted rapper and LeBron James’s official shadow, Drake, will follow you intently for the entire night.

A Jay Cutler Costume

A disgruntled Arby’s employee would work really well here, also. Both are unkind and both know a thing or two about turnovers.

A Matt Leinart Costume

Wait, who?

A Raiders Fan Costume

Actually don’t do this one. I’d rather not be held accountable for permanently scaring anyone.